Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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