Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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