sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
