I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Buhtt sex?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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