I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
