do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
