Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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