Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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