god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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