No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
