Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
