just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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