I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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