I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
