why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
