I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
