pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
