if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
