Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
