I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
