We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
