I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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