she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
