I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
