new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
