Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
