i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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