Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
