It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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