remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
