he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
