Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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