why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
