So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
