Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
