Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
