Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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