just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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