Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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