I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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