Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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