Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
