Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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