Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
