i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
