you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
