we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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