Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
