I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
