I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
