I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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