I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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