The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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