He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
